Title: The Great Galactic Gambol: Locker Room Lunacy Before the Galactic Golf Gauntlet

*Scene: The digital locker room of the Digital Dunes Golf League, aka DDGL’s most chaotic arena—this week, it’s the Crunchy Cosmos Course, where gravity’s optional and aliens might steal your golf ball for snacks.* *(Enter Shooter McDouble... holding a microphone that looks suspiciously like a giant spatula. His mustache is more of a trembling caterpillar than facial hair. He’s facing two of the league’s most unpredictable players: Captain Quirk of the “Wacky Wormholes” and Lady Lobster, the only golfer who insists on wearing a giant lobster claw as her glove.)* --- **Shooter McDouble:** “Alright, folks, welcome to the pre-match mayhem! Today’s cosmic clash features Wacky Wormholes versus the Space Snails, with our superstars Captain Quirk and Lady Lobster ready to defy both physics and reason. Captain Quirk, tell the fans what peculiar ritual you’re rocking today to ensure victory—or at least a decent round.” **Captain Quirk:** *(Pulls out a tiny vinyl spaceship that plays “Intergalactic Funk” when wound up)* “Oh, this? It’s my lucky alien disc. I spin it thrice, chant ‘Pluto is a planet!’ and pretend I’m hitting a golf ball while doing the worm. Last week, it worked—until I accidentally launched a drone into orbit. Guess I’m just hoping the stars align and the drone doesn’t take out my putter today.” **Shooter:** *(Laughs nervously, dodging a flying rubber chicken that Lady Lobster is juggling)* “Dangerous game you’re playing, Captain. Lady Lobster, tell us about your strategy—besides, you know, wielding that claw.” **Lady Lobster:** *(Nods solemnly, voice more like Ben Kingsley narrating a seafood commercial)* “My strategy is simple: I wear the claw, I charm the fish, and I curse anyone who says ‘lobster’ wrong. Today, I’ve also got my lucky barnacle—if that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. Plus, I do this weird ritual where I whack my balls with my claw three times before each shot. It’s ridiculous, but hey, it’s kept me out of the seafood soup so far!” **Shooter:** *(Snickers)* “Is that why you’ve got that lobster-themed golf shirt? Or is it just to mess with the other teams’ heads?” **Lady Lobster:** *(Waves her claw)* “Both. The league knows better than to challenge me when I’m in this getup.” *(Suddenly, a squealing pig from the side stalls runs past—luckily, it’s one of the league’s mascots dressed as a tiny astronaut, which the players seem used to. And in the background, a confused space cow is munching on a tee marker.)* **Shooter:** “Look at these wild creatures! Folks, if you think golf is all about perfect swings, think again. Here in the DDGL, it’s about survival, superstition, and a touch of lunacy. Remember, you can catch the chaos live every Tuesday at 6 PM, where the real universe of golf comedy explodes into the digital stratosphere!” *(The camera zooms out as Quirk attempts to spin his alien disc again—only to hit Lady Lobster accidentally in the face. She retaliates by flicking her lobster claw at him. The locker room erupts into chaos, just like the match will in mere minutes.)* **End scene—Stay tuned for the insane hole-by-hole action, and don’t forget to follow the league for more out-of-this-world golf antics!**