The Jungle Showdown: Will 'It Go In' deHole Interviews the Enigmatic Goblin Glove Gladiator, Teddy "Tree-hugging Willie" Wedge

*By: Spike "The Swing" McBananapants, Digital Dunes Daily* --- **[Scene: The digital jungle-themed arena, complete with animatronic toucans squawking and a rogue capuchin monkey fiddling with a camera. Will 'It Go In' deHole, the league’s fearless and slightly unhinged reporter, stands at the 7th hole teed up like a lost safari guide.]** **Will deHole:** Ladies and gentlemen, creatures of curiosity, and hobbyist golf enthusiasts who still think “safe shot” is a thing—welcome to the chaotic cosmos of the Digital Dunes Golf League’s wildest matchup yet: the Banana Benders versus the Tree-Huggers. Today, I’m on the case of the most bizarre ball-buster on the digital fairways—none other than Teddy “Tree-hugging Willie” Wedge, a man so environmentally obsessed he only hits with club head covers made of recycled kale chips. Teddy, buddy, welcome to the jungle—uh, I mean, the digital arena. **Teddy “Tree-hugging Willie” Wedge** (muttering while glaring at a squirrel mascot on his shoe): Thanks, Will. I’m just here to save the planet one pesky digital golf ball at a time. Plus, I’ve got a superstition that if I don’t wear these recycled socks, my swing will turn into a pile of compost. **Will deHole:** A fascinating strategy, Teddy. Now, your nickname suggests you’ve got a ‘green thumb,’ but your game sometimes looks more like a ‘green disaster,’ am I right? Your signature move involves... what exactly? Talking to trees? Whispering sweet nothings to your hybrid club? **Teddy “Tree-hugging Willie”:** I do indeed. I whisper affirmations—that's right—affirmations! Last week, I told my 9-iron, “Swing strong, loyal leaf,” and wouldn’t you believe it, the ball went farther than a squirrel chasing a drone. Also, my superstitions? Well, I must do the “bark-bow” before every shot—that’s where I touch a nearby tree and ask for its blessing. If I feel the bark isn’t firm enough, I’ll just putt with my eyes closed and hope the forest gods forgive me. **Will:** Fascinating. And speaking of forests, I hear you once tried to ‘hug’ a virtual bear in the simulator during a practice round. Can you confirm—was that a golf technique or a cry for help? **Teddy:** A little from column A, a little from column B. Honestly, the bear was about to steal my sandwich… and I couldn’t just let that happen. Plus, I prefer my wildlife with a side of sass and a splash of irony. **Will:** Incredible. Now, I've gotta ask—your last shot, on the 7th hole, caused some chaos in the stands. Rumor has it that a drone, a rogue llama, and four confused spectators all collided after your drive. Care to break down that moment? **Teddy:** Oh yes, I call that shot the ‘eco-missile.’ I aimed at the windmill—thought I’d give the crowd a show. Instead, my ball ricocheted off a drone owned by some TikTok influencer, hit a llama costume-wearing dad, and sent the onlookers scrambling. It was a free roller coaster ride, in my opinion. Honestly, the best part? The llama started doing an impression of me—the head tilt, the bleat, everything. Now I’ve got a new superstition: I talk to my ball, and the llama, before every shot. It’s a hit—or a trip and stumble, depending on the day. **Will:** One thing’s for sure, Teddy—your game is as unpredictable as a squirrel on espresso. Before we let you go, any advice for aspiring eco-golfers or folks who think “par” is just a fancy word for “par-ty”? **Teddy:** Absolutely, Will. Remember—use biodegradable tees, talk to your clubs, and if all else fails, hug a tree before stepping onto the course. It’s not just golf; it’s a full-blown environmental consciousness revolution—one chip, one putt, one llama at a time. --- **And there you have it, folks—proof that in the DDGL, the green is just the beginning, and every shot is an adventure in chaos, comedy, and the occasional digital animal uprising.** **Don’t forget—our league swings into action EVERY Tuesday at 6:00 pm. Whether you’re cheering from your couch or swapping out your clubs for a chainsaw, tune in, turn on, and tee off with us. Because in the DDGL, the only thing more unpredictable than Teddy’s superstitions is the next highlight reel... which, spoiler alert, might include a flamingo golf cart, a drone rescue montage, and a suspiciously emotional squirrel.** *Stay wild, stay weird, and remember—if Teddy can hug a tree, you can at least finish your putt.*