The Great Digital Dunes Derby: Pre-Match Locker Room Madness with Shooter McDouble...

*By Cheddar Cheeseballs, Chief Chaos Correspondent* --- *Locker Room, Digital Dunes Golf Arena — 6:00 PM, just before the chaos kicks off:* **Shooter McDouble...** strides into the makeshift locker room, microphone in one hand, a hot dog in the other (for courage, obviously). The players of the “Beehive Blasters” — Zack “The Zig-Zagger” Zamboni and Johnny “The Jinx” Jingles — sit on plastic garden chairs, masing as if they’re about to face the End Times rather than a Tuesday night golf match. **Shooter:** “Alright, folks! We’re live from the sweaty, neon-lit halls of Digital Dunes. With me today are the unstoppable, the unbreakable, *the* Beehive Blasters! Zack Zamboni, you’ve been known for zigging when everyone expects a zag, but tell me: what’s your game plan for tonight?” **Zack “The Zig-Zagger” Zamboni:** *(Adjusts neon visors, eyes darting nervously)* “Shooter, I gotta admit, I’ve been practicing my ‘zig’ so much I forgot what my ‘zag’ looked like. But tonight, I’m channeling my inner honeybee—sting hard, even if I don’t know where the hole is. Also, I’ve brought a jar of actual honey — just in case I need a sugar boost *mid-swing*. Hey, it’s all about sweet victories!” **Shooter:** “Honey, huh? Smart move, Zamboni, but I hear your superstitions have a peculiar twist. Tell us about that.” **Zack:** *(Leaning in conspiratorially)* “Yeah, man, I can’t step onto a tee without first whispering ‘bee’s knees’ three times… and I always wear my lucky bee sock on my right foot. If I don’t, the golf gods say I’ll get stung by bad luck—or worse, a rogue drone might invade my pants.” *Johnny “The Jinx” Jingles, a sprightly fellow with a collection of mismatched hats and a streak of superstition thicker than his golf swing, chimes in:* **Johnny Jingles:** “I swear, Shooter, every time I think about my grandma’s secret macaroni recipe before tee-off, my drive straightens out like an arrow. Also, I refuse to take a shot without serenading the ball with a little ‘Jingle Bells’—always set to ‘fortissimo,’ because why not? Last week, I swear it distracted a squirrel from stealing the hole-in-one candy they’d stashed in the mascot’s tail.” **Shooter:** “Distraction tactics! I like that. Now tell me, Jingles—rumor has it you’re developing a new ritual involving glitter, six golf balls, and a kazoo? Spill it!” **Johnny Jingles:** *(Standing up dramatically)* “Absolutely, Shooter! It’s a sacred tradition. I sprinkle glitter on my clubs, blow the kazoo three times, and spin around until I get dizzy enough that I forget my own name… then I just wing it. So far, it’s worked about as well as a blind squirrel with a GPS—pretty chaotic but oddly effective!” *Just then, a loud moo echoes from the adjacent stable—because obviously, this arena isn’t complete without an out-of-place cow mascot named Bessie who’s prone to escape and interrogate players mid-swing.* **Shooter:** “Well, there you have it, folks. The Beehive Blasters are ready to sting, sing, and possibly summon farm animals for moral support. Any last words before you chase victory or get chased by the zoo animals?” **Zack:** “All I know is, if I see a drone buzzing around my head, I’m swinging my honey jar at it. That’s my secret weapon.” **Johnny:** “And I’ll be serenading the course, jingling all the way—unless I forget my kazoo, in which case, expect a very un-musical miracle.” --- *Stay tuned, golf fans, because tonight's chaos on the digital fairways promises more twists than a pretzel at a carnival. And remember: the Digital Dunes Golf League hits *every* Tuesday at 6:00 PM — be there or be square, or worse, be a cow.* **Get your game face on and your cowbell ready! Let’s make this match a legend—just like Bessie trying to join the PGA.**