LIVE FROM THE DIGITAL DUNES—LIL’ THUMPER BRINGS THE CHAOS!

**LIVE FROM THE DIGITAL DUNES—LIL’ THUMPER BRINGS THE CHAOS!** *The Digital Dunes Golf League’s Most Wanted Weekly Preview!* [Scene opens with a shaky camera zooming wildly into a neon-lit, pixelated golf arena that looks like a cross between a rave and a space pirate ship. Lil’ Thumper, the legendary (and questionable) golf hype man, is front and center, wearing a brightly colored propeller hat and sunglasses that glow like a disco ball.] **Lil’ Thumper:** "YOOOO, CLAAAASSY GOLF FANS! Are you ready to get your digital dicks kicked and your egos crushed? Well, buckle up, because Lil’ Thumper is here to serve you the chaos HOTTEST than a squirrel in a vacuum! Tonight, we’ve got a game that’s gonna blow your pixels—*Team Tomato Tornado* versus *The Wacky Waffle Warriors!* That’s right—three-player, alternate shot, pure chaos on steroids, and I’ve got your special report straight from the 18th hole, where death-defying antics are the name of the game!" [Cut to a quick montage: a flaming shot of a drone camera zooming over the arena, a flamingo mascot doing the floss, a rogue simulated alligator nibbling on the ball as some zany crowd—made up of virtual llamas and confused taco trucks—cheers on.] **Lil’ Thumper (voice rising):** "First up, *Team Tomato Tornado!* Led by *Chuck ‘The MAD Mango’ McFly*, a guy who’s survived more golf cart crashes than a demolition derby. Legend has it he wears sunglasses—*inside*—because he claims ‘it helps him see through his own anger.’ But this week, Chuck's got a new superstition: he’s crocheted a tiny golf tee into his hat. Sometimes bad luck is just a fashion statement, folks." [Cut to a clip of Chuck trying to take a swing with a pink boater hat glued with golf tees, swinging wildly and accidentally hitting a golf cart. The cart spins in circles, smoke rising from its engine.] **Lil’ Thumper:** "And his partner—*Larry ‘The Laughing Lass’ Lickety*, who believes laughter boosts his accuracy—so he’s been telling jokes... *during* his swings. Word is he’s currently crafting a joke about squirrels, but I’ll see if I can get that for you live." [Transition to the other team: *The Wacky Waffle Warriors*, led by “Captain Crispy,” aka “The Breakfast Bruiser,” a man known for smuggling waffles into the arena in his golf bag. His entire game is based on the belief that waffles—particularly peanut butter and syrup—bring him "unstoppable energy." Next to him, his partner “Benny ‘The Bubble’ Baseless,” is known for blowing giant bubblegum bubbles mid-swing—because, in Benny’s words, “it keeps the stress in check… and the bubbles distract the competition.”] **Lil’ Thumper:** "But folks, the real chaos? The sideline scoop. I’ve got a special report from our insider—*Sally the Squirrel Whisperer*—who claims that a wild squirrel—yes, a real, live squirrel—just *stole* the ball on hole 7, and it’s now trying to negotiate a peace treaty with the caddy." [Cut to Sally, a woman wearing fuzzy squirrel ears, whispering wildly into a walkie-talkie, while a squirrel with an actual tiny golf cap scampers away with the ball in its mouth.] **Lil’ Thumper (fireworks in the background):** "So, here's what you need to know: the Waffle Warriors are bringing waffles, Benny’s tossing bubbles, and Captain Crispy’s rocking his breakfast-themed tactics. Meanwhile, the Tomato Tornadoes are *spraying hot sauce on their shirts* to keep cool, and Chuck’s crocheted tee may be his secret weapon—or his newest fashion disaster." [Quick shot of Chuck trying to take a shot while a flaming hot sauce bottle drips down his sleeve, nearly setting his hat on fire.] **Lil’ Thumper:** *And now—* THE PLAY OF THE DAY: Chuck, attempting a miraculous lob shot, slips on his own hot sauce spill, and somehow the ball hits a virtual flamingo statue, which then *detonates into confetti*. That’s right, folks—it’s chaos, it’s comedy, and it’s coming to YOUR screens.* [The screen splits: one side shows images of spaghetti western-themed golf—people riding mechanical horses—and the other, Benny blowing an enormous bubble as a group of digital ducks waddle by.] **Lil’ Thumper (closing with passion):** *"But the question remains...WHO WILL WIN? Will the Waffle Warriors waffle their way to victory, or will the Tomato Tornado blow it all away in a gust of hot sauce and crochet tees?"* *Tune in Tuesday at 6:00pm for the LIVE DESTRUCTION—err, *match*—at the Digital Dunes Golf Arena. Trust me—this is more entertaining than watching your boss try to use a computer mouse. And hey, while you wait, check out our sponsor: “Gutterball Glove”—the only glove guaranteed to catch insane errand shots (or your money back!).* *This is Lil’ Thumper, signing off—reminding you: If you think your golf game is wild, wait till you see what happens when the league plates get served up hot and topped with chaos! Don’t miss the madness—see ya Tuesday, league fans!* **END OF BROADCAST**